Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I think i peed on brittanys purse
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
