So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
if only i could text you this smell
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
