So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
She even gives head with a lisp.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
