I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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