no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
