i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Boobs are out for the taking
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
