I am in a vortex of obligation.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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