i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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