So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
