You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
