My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
