Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
