Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
