it's too hot outside to masturbate.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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