Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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