i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
