More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
