Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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