dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
