Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
