Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
a search helicopter?!
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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