she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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