I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
