Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
