he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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