u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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