Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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