My hair reeks of homosexuality.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
