Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
well, you know. whores of a feather.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
