Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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