I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
