She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
