Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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