Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
