Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
