My friends, they love my intelligence
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
