im having a threesome with these popsicles
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
