i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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