the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
