then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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