I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
