wrigley field is MILF paradise
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
birth control should be required to get into college
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
