My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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