I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
