My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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