I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
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