**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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