Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
