she was so not down for the gang bang
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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