I'm pants shitting drunk right now
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm like, not good at living.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
