Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
