sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
