I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
