Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
