Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
