so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Randomize
