i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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